find yourself a husband.

"Peter, go to my house and move my dryer. The plug won't reach."

"Heather, find yourself a husband and f*cking leave me alone."

peter gets bored again

I just saw Peter playing a learning game on a childrens Vtech computer.

Before I could ask him what the hell he was doing, he slammed it shut and told it to "GO TO HELL!"

peter's brother

Once, while on Beaver Island, Peter's brother Fred got pulled over for stealing a jeep.

Turns out, he had driven off in a jeep that he thought was his rental.

It runs in the family.

I ♥ Fred.

procrastination

Me: I need express shipping on that book. My paper is due on Tuesday.

Peter: So what you're telling me is "Hey Peter, pay for my f*cking procrastination."

peter takes people fishing

Peter took a group of people fishing, including my sister, and insisted that everyone put their cellphones in a "waterproof" box that he had on his boat.

For some "unknown" reason, at least five of those cellphones stopped working that day.

thanks for the ride to the airport, peter.

My best friend and I were leaving Houston and going to New York City.

Peter gave us a ride to the airport and dropped us off at international arrivals.

peter goes to a bachelor party

Peter went to his best friend's son's bachelor party.

They ended up at the turtle club, a bar right on the lake.
One of the guys suggested that they went for a ride on his boat.
Of course, being the fisherman Peter is, he was all about it.
He talked to the guy for a while about his boat, that was just right outside the bar, and they decided they'd all go for a ride after a while.

A little later, Peter had to use the bathroom but the line at the turtle club was extremely long. So, Peter decided he'd go out to the boat and use the bathroom and wait for the guys there.

Peter found the boat, went inside and "took a piss." He looked around the bathroom and thought "wow, this is pretty fancy, I should take advantage of this and take a shit." So, Peter did just that.

After taking care of business in the fancy bathroom, Peter opened the door and saw two strangers, a man and a woman, standing there looking at him, incredibly confused.

The man asked Peter "What are you doing on our boat?"
Peter replied "Well, aren't we all going for a ride?"

When the couple had no idea what Peter was talking about, Peter then realized he had taken a shit on someone else's boat.

What did he do next? He told me all he could do was apologize. So, he told the old couple,
"I'm sorry for stinking up your cabin."